Da Weekend Before Yule

Twas da weekend before Yule

And all through da house

Not a pastie was turnin

Not even a beer was bein drinkin

Da weekend was quiet

and it was filled with cheer

We decorated da tree

We sang our songs to Joe

We ate pasties all night long

while watchin it snow

We played Euchre by da fire

and told Yooper jokes

We laughed and we giggled

while we made scones.

We added whiskey to our coffee

and our egg nog as well.

We all talked about that

Finnish elf dat would appear.

We sure did enjoy ourselves way to much

Let’s hope that someone stays sober enough.

We gathered our neighbors by singing songs

As we walked down da Truax road in our long johns.

We even had some funny deer appear in da middle of da road.

We took dere pictures but dey came out all blurry.

We weren’t too sure if it was because we were drunk or the blizzard dat night

Den that strange man came out of da woods

He gave us a beer from out of his pouch.

And came with us singin from house to house.

But den in da morning we heard with delight

Joe talking to da stranger dat partied with us last night.

He was laughin and talkin to that jolly fat man

Dey were fightin over his blanket and toast with jam.

When dat old fat man saw us, he blew dust in our eyes

Den he winked at Joe and with total surprise

He disappeared from our sight!

Now as we all sit here playin Euchre during our Yule season

while drinkin da beer he left behind.

We keep on gabbin bout dat fat man and his deer

And all we hear from Joe is laughin with delight as doud dere was a joke bout dat fat man, his beer, and deer dat partied with us last night.

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There’s A Beak In My Coffee

I went outside to sit.

I had my coffee with me.

The damn rooster bit me.

He got mad as hell when I picked up my cup.

He wanted my coffee.

I took my cup and ran as fast as I could to the house.

The damn rooster followed and bit me on the foot!

I got in the house.

Blood dripping down.

Two bandaids later, I see that rooster looking in my window!

Now he is stalking me for my coffee!

And now I tell everyone that I have a beak in my coffee!