I have a group on facebook. This is a flash fiction story for that group. Ghastly Grimoires.
My name is Radkim Heikkinen. I am now amongst the walking dead. I am some sort of ghost detective. I have no idea what I am to be honest. But let me tell you a bit about my story.
I was a detective with the major case squad. I was great at my job until one night it all came to a screeching halt. I was with my partner investigating a robbery that ended in murder. Little did we know the suspect was lying in wait for us. I came around that corner and that was the last thing I remember.
When I went to my funeral, I found out how I was shot. Thanks to my partner Pat. He told everyone how I took a bullet through my eye. Doesn’t surprise me that I didn’t even feel it. I had been shot before in Desert Storm. He told them all how he stayed with me and got blood on his best suit. I kept telling him not to wear that thing when we were looking for someone. I told him to save it for court. He never listened to me.
Jake came to me after and told me he was my guide to the heavens. I wanted no part of that. He told me if I didn’t come with him, I would be stuck here on the Earth to roam. He told me no one would see me or even know I was there. But I had a suspect to catch. I need to finish this.
Jake didn’t understand this at all. He left me with a phone number to call when I was ready. Who knew heaven had a fucking phone? I walked away from Jake and the light. I turned to the darkness to be seen. I turned into a ghost stalker.
I found my partner Pat with his new partner Jane. What a name, Jane. Who would ever name their little girl that, I don’t know? Jane has long blond hair and the most dazzling baby blues. She has legs up to her ears. She is young.
I wonder if I looked that young when I started major crimes? But I digress. You get that way when you die. Your mind seems to endlessly wander until you can pull yourself back to a thought process. Today the help there was Jane and her coffee.
Jane and Pat are on a new case but it involves the one I was just murdered in as well. The guy got away when Pat stopped to call for backup and an ambulance. I guess you could say he was a true friend. He never left my side. Now the guy is still on the loose and we need to find him.
I left Jane and Pat there at the desk. I saw a picture of the new spot he hit. This time he killed three innocent customers along with the clerk. This guy needs to die. He should have died before me. No one needs someone like this on the planet. All he does is rob and kill. What is the point to him breathing?
I found him! He is here robbing again. I decided to jam the gun with my finger. That worked. The look at this chaps face as he pulls the trigger and it doesn’t fire. I moved my finger slightly and the bullet came out the wrong end. It twisted a bit to his shoulder but I think he has the point now.
That is a good criminal! Turn and run like a coward! Oh and don’t forget to leave that blood trail for my partner! Good boy! Good BOY!
Now Pat should be able to identify you. All they need to do is call in the geek squad. Those guys will take their little cotton swabs and voila, you are known.
Come on clerk. Dial that phone. Call in the cops. Move it. COME ON! I don’t know why he isn’t moving? Guess I need to make him move. So I scream and a jar on a shelf next him breaks. The clerk jumps. He grabs the phone and dials the police.
That is a good clerk. Get my old partner, Pat, and his new partner, Jane, down here. Get them to bring the geek squad with them.
I stand outside waiting for my partner to come. I found myself smoking a cigarette while waiting. Weird being dead and still having my horrible habits. No idea where this came from, but I sure do love it. I notice my foot is up on the wall. I seem to have all my usual habits. I guess you stay who you are even in death.
Being dead is like living in a different dimension. This is one of the most awesome things I have ever accomplished. I don’t have to worry about that body getting hurt anymore. I now can freely take care of problems without stress.
There they are. Finally coming to the rescue. Late to the party as usual, Pat. I swear he will be late for his own funeral.
All cars come to a screeching halt. Tires smoking from each car, doors flying open in haste, people jumping out of them, grabbing their weapons from their sides, and running right up to the door of the establishment. It looks like some sort of Quentin Tarantino movie.
One of the patrol officers grabs the handle of the door and pulls it open like he is John Wayne in some cowboy movie and sticks his 9mm through the door first. Great way to get it taken from you, if you ask me. In they all move in a military formation. Ready to take down anything that moves.
Finding nothing but the clerk, they look surprised he isn’t standing here. Thanks for mucking up the blood, airheads. The clerk shows them the blood they stepped in, with the very nice trail, thank you very much, You see the bright ideas in their heads as they check their shoes. That’s right, call for the geek squad now. Can’t wait for the head sup of their division see you stepped in their blood. CONTAMINATION, dumbasses.
Come on, where is Pat and Jane? Oh there they are, talking outside to people and not in here working. Time to kick Pat in the ass. I kick the door and it opened nicely. I laugh, though no one can hear me, as it hits Pat in the back of his head.
Pat turns around to look at the door. It is great watching him look around, seeing no one who could’ve opened it hard enough to hit his head with it. Watching him rub the back of his head while looking inside the store is a wonderful feeling to me.
At least I got his attention enough to notice the blood. I watch as Pat sees the blood and follows it with his eyes outside. Following the blood trail, Pat grabs a flashlight from a patrol officer standing by. Keep walking Pat, you will find the bastard.
I keep up with Pat while he is on the trail to the suspect. I will do what I can to warn him before he is like me. Around the corner you see no more blood. What the hell! It is just stops right here? Come on now. Pat looks toward the curb. Oh, yeah, now it’s coming back. I bet he got into a vehicle and looky there, we have a camera.
I hear Pat on the radio telling dispatch to get the camera footage. He tells Julia to have the forensic unit find that plate number. Soon we will know who this guy is, if that is, the car isn’t stolen. That is always a possibility in these cases.
Pat and I always had a saying about criminals. They are like flies. Annoying as hell and hard to catch. But just like a fly, a criminal when whacked will die. Sometimes you need a fly swatter, other times you need fly spray. Either way you catch the little bugger and get it out of your hair.
I walk with Pat back to the store. Pat walks into the establishment and looks around. That’s it buddy. Find those cameras. Seeing one, he approaches the clerk and asks about seeing the tape. The clerk takes Pat into the back.
He pulls up the video. Pat watches it, as he does, he peers closely, rewinds, and there you see me. I am nothing more than a mist of fog, but you can see me. Pat keeps watching. I see he is trying to make out the face, but it is hard when the camera is in a downward slant. Unless the guy looks up and to the camera, seeing the face is always a challenge.
Pat tells the clerk he wants the tape this is on. He calls in the forensics person. I wait. Then I see who comes through the door. It is Beth. She is our best as far as I am concerned. This gal knows her stuff. She runs around telling everyone she is a real life Sara Sidle, but I tell her she is more Catherine Willows than Sara Sidle.
Pat takes a look at her as a patrol officer leads her into the office of the establishment. How nice! She did the smokey eye and found a dark purple lipstick. With her long dark hair and green eyes, this looks amazing. Pat always did have the hots for her.
It takes him a moment to compose himself after seeing Beth walk in. Beth gets straight to work getting the tape made from the computer it is on. Since she is on it, she helps herself to a few more files as evidence. I know what is going on in her mind. Possible inside job maybe. Could be. I had thought of that just before I died.
The night I died, I conveyed to Pat that we should check out who owned the buildings, who owned the stores, and see if there was any connection even a geographical one. My gut said something connected each place. Even if it was the same delivery man. There is something. I just know it. A reason each of these spots are being hit.
Looks like dear Beth thinks like I do. I wonder if I can get her a message somehow to really look at all this evidence in my head. Maybe if I try hard I can make myself appear to her in a dream or write a message on the computer. I have to figure this out.
I see Pat turn to leave and decide to follow him out. Let’s see where his gut takes him next.
Pat stands by the office door watching the geek squad taking samples of the blood. One found the bullet. I wonder if my print is on that thing? I wonder if ghosts have finger prints? The squad is taking pictures of the scene and casting impressions of the cops shoes that ran through it. Some cops are morons.
Pat stands here watching everything so intently. I never noticed this before. Did you always stand there looking like this? Funny how things appear differently when you are dead and an observer compared to being alive and doing.
Pat’s eyes are moving from one end of the room to the other. I am not sure what he is thinking. Finally, he starts moving toward the geeks.
I see Jane over there by the door. She looks uncomfortable. I see Pat walking toward Jane. I watch him as he looks at her. Come on Pat, train her. I know a new partner is hard but she needs someone to mentor her. Tell her what to do. Little sticky notes of reminders to help her solve cases.
She looks lost. I wonder what her last gig was in the police department. She seems uncomfortable even around the patrol officers. Most who come from the patrol division still behave like patrol officers. She behaves like she has never seen a crime before in her life. Makes me wonder if she was in the records department or even dispatch.
The most powerful time an old detective has on a rookie is when the rookie is a rookie. The newby needs guidance. Pat is just standing there looking at Jane. Maybe I need to make another disturbance so he gets the hint. Take her by the hand and show her how to be great.
Pat just stands there and finally asks Jane if she talked to anyone. Of course, she says no. What rookie would say yes? This is her first crime. She has no idea how to solve crime. Pat is the veteran here. Pat needs to be the teacher. Come on Pat, teach.
I have no idea what happened next. I was pulled to another location by forces beyond my control. Back to the robber/murderer. Lovely. I wonder if Captain Kirk felt like this when he was beamed away by Scotty?
Here he lies on a kitchen table with some guy with crazy magnifying glasses on using tweezers and a knife. Boy, you are stupid. Go to a damn hospital and have it done correctly before gangrene sets in. I guess stupid really does what stupid does.
Blood is dripping off the table and onto the floor. This is gonna be great. This guy is just gonna die for us. Feeling a little light-headed are we?
I sit there and watch this make shift emergency operation in a filthy kitchen. Cockroaches are walking all over this guy.
I find myself sitting in a chair smoking a cigarette. I guess old habits don’t die at all. I wish I had a beer when I find myself drinking one. Well, isn’t this convenient? I roll my eyes as I watch this show. Man, I really should’ve written a book while I was alive on the criminal stupidity mind. I bet it would’ve been a best seller.
I hope by now Pat has his head on straight and is teaching Jane some great work. But apparently I can’t will myself back to him. Instead, I get to watch this show.
This so-called doctor just told some broad to go to the butcher on the corner to get some pig blood. Nice. Dude, he is putting pig blood into you. I laugh out loud since neither of these idiots can hear me anyway.
How comical is it to watch someone giving some nutjob pig’s blood. Dude, you are so gonna die. Oh looky there, the light has returned. Even in death this guy is oblivious to me sitting here. That’s right run along into the light with Jake.
I wave hi to Jake. Jake shakes his head at me and walks this dumbass into the light. What a fool. Hospitals are the best place to be treated even if the cops show up. At least you are alive.
I am pulled back to Pat and Jane. They are now at the office. I wonder how to get a message to them that this guy is deceased? The answer comes in a phone call from a dispatcher. Seems the make-believe doctor put the dumbasses body on a bench waiting for the bus.
Now Pat will put two and two together. This will be case closed but my gut says otherwise. I still think this guy was way to dumb to pull this off by himself. Someone else will pick up where he left off. Mark my words.
But for now it is case closed.