A Spectacular Monday Note About Nothing!

First, let me say how much I love the television show Seinfeld. It is a show about nothing but daily life and gossip. I can’t help seeing yesterday as a possible show! Another side note on March 10, 2017, I bought a fainting goat. Her name is Molly.

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I am Molly. I have a wonderful life in the house. No barn for me.

Now country life is about expensive animals. Remember, I have five birds. Joe (the macaw),  Baby Baby (the cockatoo), Pepper (aka Pepsi a TAG), and two cockatiels, Nippy & Coffee! The goat doesn’t like living in the barn with the chickens. Go figure! So, she lives inside my house! I swear, I live in the barn. I have the dogs and cats here as well.

I really should have blogged yesterday, but Sunday was horribly stressful. I woke up to the smell of something burning. It smelled like wood burning. Now this is early morning since we get up at 4 am. It was really powerful around 7:30 am. It took us until 11:10 am to find the problem.

FIRE IN THE WALL!

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The wall from the inside. Look how pretty. Fire did a very nice job on the wall.
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What the nice little fire did to the outside of the wall.

Dave started scrambling (and I don’t mean eggs) screaming for water. I got him a pitcher of water which he poured between the two sides of the wall.  Dave is screaming for water and chairs. He wants ladders and whatever else for the fire. I am screaming for my girls to grab the animals and put them in the barn. You have to understand, some of these animals are very costly monetarily. I really don’t care about tvs, computers, and such, but I do care about life. I sure didn’t want my animals lives to perish.

“PUT THE DOGS IN THE CAR!” I was screaming at Jordan.

“Where do I put the dogs?” she asks me blankly.

“THE CAR! PUT THEM IN THE CAR!” I scream as I am filling another pitcher of water!

“BELLA, GRAB THE CATS AND GET THEM IN THE BARN!”

“Just give me the pitcher of water.” Bella tells me calmly and matter of factly. Bella has Asperger’s and doesn’t really show emotions. She reminds me of a Vulcan! “The cats will be fine.” she says, “The fire really isn’t that bad!” She tells me and rolls her eyes.

I look at her like she is the crazy one. We have a fire in the house! How can this not be bad? I give her the pitcher of water.

“I AM CALLING 911! WE NEED THE FIRE DEPARTMENT! DAVE DO WE NEED THE FIRE DEPARTMENT?”

“WHERE IS MY LADDER? I NEED A LADDER! CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT! THERE ARE NO FLAMES BUT I NEED A LADDER!”

“JORDAN GET THE CATS OUTSIDE. TAKE THE CAGE AND GET THEM OUT! WHERE IS THE PHONE? I NEED THE PHONE!” Jordan of course isn’t concerned at all about the animals. The fire is way cool and there is some Corey/Cory guy who is live streaming on you tube. This guy is WAY more important than the fact we have a fire going on and should evacuate.

I tried calling 911 on my computer. Did you know the computer will not connect you to 911? It told me it was an invalid number. I have a computer telephone number which allows me to make calls. I even tried Skype which failed. I finally find the phone and call 911 but since it is a cell phone and I live in the country, there are problems talking to the dispatcher on the other end!

“911. What is your emergency?” the male voice on the other end of the phone says to me calmly. I have no idea what is wrong with these dispatchers. They should be concerned and freaking out on the other end. Not calm! Who remains calm when there is a FIRE?

“I NEED A FIRE TRUCK! THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!”

A bunch of break up noise and then, “What is the address?”

A bunch of static, noise, a few “WHAT?”, and I finally give him our address. The dispatcher says something to me which I can not tell you what it was even now!

“WHAT? HOLD ON! LET ME GET SOMEWHERE I CAN HEAR YOU!”

I travel upwards to our tiny upstairs which is really a loft. As I travel up the stairs, I say into the phone, “CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? ARE YOU THERE?”

“Yes, I am here.” he says, “Is everyone out of the house?” I look out the window and see smoke coming from where Dave is throwing water. I see Dave run with the pitcher to the faucet outside getting more water and run back to the smoke. Now mind you, I am upstairs! With a cat and the goat. The cat leisurely stretches. And no, I won’t tell you which one.  Let’s just call him one crazy cat. You see, this cat likes sleeping on my water bed and even a fire won’t move him.

“Oh yes, we are out of the house.” That was a lie! WE and ALL THE ANIMALS were still in the house. I walk back downstairs and get more garble from the dispatcher hoping he heard me tell him I am not in Delta county but truly I am Marquette county. Then I get nothing but noisy static and say to the phone, “THANK YOU. GOOD BYE!”

Meanwhile, Dave is taking a crow bar to the wall and Bella is filling up another pitcher of water. Jordan still has no animals outside and what do I do, freak! FREAK OUT TIME!  Finally, Dave comes in and bitches because the fire department still isn’t here and says, “I have the fire out!” He looked so relieved but was still wanting water. He brings me outside to see the hole in the wall. Then he comes into the house and wants the cell phone. Now, we are running around the house yelling at each other about a phone.

“WHERE DID YOU SET IT DOWN?”

“ON THE TABLE!”

“WELL, IT ISN’T ON THE TABLE! WHERE IS IT? IT DIDN’T JUST GROW LEGS!” he is such a pain in the ass sometimes.

I DON’T KNOW! I COULD HAVE SWORN I SET IT ON THE TABLE!”

“WELL, IT ISN’T HERE!”

Do you ever want to smack someone? Do you know how close he came to being murdered?

Finally, as I was walking behind him, I spot the elusive cell phone on the filing cabinet. He grabs the phone and goes outside. I look out the window because I swear I hear something, and there is a fire truck coming up the driveway. It has been about twenty minutes since I called them. I think we could land a man on mars by the time some of our responders get to the location. Good thing Dave was already on the scene and got it out. The firemen, have axes and they spray more water on the hole in the wall. Bella gets more pitchers of water for the firemen to throw on the wall. They check it with some special heat thingamajob. Then they talk to Dave and leave.

And all this took about an hour out of my day. There is more to my day like the fact I had to calm down and as I was trying to by talking to my sister, my other sister calls. Mom was bleeding and needed to go to the hospital. Mom is stubborn and wouldn’t go so I have no idea how serious that is. But I was so hoping my sister’s conversation would calm me down but when the only phone you have doesn’t work well in these conditions, sadly, it is a bunch of, “I can’t hear you. Can you repeat that? What did you say?” Which does nothing for the nerves.

By the way, my house still smells like burnt wood. Which is how my day started.

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