The Evil Mastermind finds Mr. Chin’s Killer

In this episode of The Evil Joe Files, The Evil Mastermind hires someone to find Mr. Chin’s killer.

















Friday Morning

The darkened sky looked wicked when looking out of the window. The Evil Mastermind actually has his back to it. He wasn’t thinking about what he wanted to do tomorrow, he was looking at something far more disturbing.

He has a plan where he is looking for a way to control the city which will lead to world domination. He thinks he is going about it the right way, but it isn’t working the way he had hoped. His idea is simply to run for President and then rule the world, but so far he couldn’t get quite enough signatures to be on the ballet. He needed more publicity is what one aide said. He was taking advice seriously especially from the aides in Washington. They suggested he should try running for City Council or Mayor first, then hit the State politics, and then he would get enough backing for President. It would be a long journey, but he is up to it.

He is getting his name out there and is in the newspaper weekly starring in fashion articles by Miss Nose. The girls at the office swoon over her and everything she writes like she is a god or a supreme ruler of the world. The Evil Mastermind’s mind started turning around thinking. He is getting an idea. He is pinning and unpinning his eyes as he is thinking. He calls in The Evil Cockatoo and The Mad Scientist. He is going to have an impromptu meeting.

Hey Boss!” exclaimed The Evil Cockatoo without looking up from his phone. “Why are you looking at that blasted phone again!” demanded The Evil Mastermind. “I have to. I created that social site you said wouldn’t captivate the world. I am actually thinking about making it a public entity but that would mean opening up my books and well, you do get a share of it, so I am really worried with you running for office if I should make it public or keep it private until you rule the world.” The Evil Cockatoo actually was looking at the The Evil Mastermind as he was talking for once.

The Mad Scientist walks in the office with a headset on and speaking to someone over the set. “Yes. Great! That will be wonderful. Now we have to sell it to the physicians and public. Make that hurdle happen so we can make more money.”

Who are you talking to? What are you two up to? This isn’t helping my plan at all! You two off on your own and not getting my plan to take over the world off the ground!” The Evil Mastermind slams his fist on his desk.

But Boss,” started The Mad Scientist, “we are working on it. I have developed some great vaccines and I am forcing the world to take them. Soon they will be under our mind control. We have placed certain ingredients in that will make most sickly. They are already paying to get cures for some of the problems we have injected in them. We have micro-chipped several children already and we are creating some to be hyper. They are causing their parents so much trouble and others are docile. Parents are wondering what is going on with the kids these days. We are creating some kids to be killers so we have something to campaign against. This is how The Evil Cockatoo and I are helping you. He created a social media. People no longer want to work. They are busy even at work taking pictures and they are live videoing their day. Just a bit longer and they will all by under our control. We made a master switch too. We have turned it off and watched people freak out! Boss, this is amazing. Soon you will be ruler of the world without any problems!” The Mad Scientist seems so convincing that The Evil Mastermind sat in his chair looking at him, pinning and unpinning his eyes, and thinking.

None of them noticed the butterfly dancing around the window. They paid no attention to the how it moved. “What are we going to do about Chin?” The Evil Mastermind finally said. “We can’t have this over our heads. There will be too many questions. Do we have the police still in our pocket?”

Yes, sir.” chimed The Evil Cockatoo. “He is even on my social site. He has his blog going, several pictures, and he is putting up crimes and criminals he is looking for.”

What are you calling this site?”

I call it ParrotSpace. It started at the Parrots University. The students there loved it. They were able to talk to one another and their teachers. I just expanded it to the whole world.”

And this helps me how?”

You are their first friend and they all wait for your daily messages. I just was able to upload new software so we can start live streaming messages and videotaping them. That is what I wanted to speak to you about and why I thought you called me in here today. I want to have you post a daily update for all ParrotSpace people. This will give you more of a platform for your campaign for office.”

So everyday I can talk about whatever I feel like?”

That is so Boss!”

Well I can not wait til this happens. I will have something put together each day by the writing staff.”

Already happening Boss. I got them to start months ago.”

Oh. Well, I hope I will enjoy them. I wanted to put some personal touches in.” “Actually you can. We have them written and you will have final say on it. We are going to start next week with you looking them over and having them rewritten.” “Really?” The Evil Mastermind pinned his eyes super small, ”Then it will be all me. Hmm.”

Sure Boss.” said The Evil Cockatoo in an unsure way.

Friday afternoon

Later that day, The Evil Mastermind went golfing with Mr. Simon Chin.

Simon, I need something done that will make you more famous.”

What is that?”

I need you to head over to my building and talk to The Evil Cockatoos writing staff. He has a social blog and they are writing little promos for me to videotape for a daily message. I want my ideas and my campaigning to be a major focus with some daily news.”

I can do that. I will do the rewrites with them. When does this start?”

I am not completely sure. I know The Evil Cockatoo wants to start soon.”

That is fair. I can get that done for you. It will be great to finally be a campaign speech writer.”

I hope your wife can understand and not make a scene again. You need to talk to that boyfriend of hers. He should not be leaving bruises on her where people think you are the abuser. What do you plan on doing with her?”

I plan on divorcing her. Believe it or not, I am tired of her new boyfriend. I will be having a meeting with them both later today. I plan on telling her then and getting myself distanced from her. Thankfully, I listened to you and I have a prenup. She gets nothing because of the affair and I have the pictures with the affidavits that prove her affairs.”

Good for you. That will be great. You can then find someone with more taste. Do you know the man she is seeing?”

No I don’t. I do have my eyes on this other woman. I think she will make a great wife. Once I am officially divorced I want to ask her out!”

I sure hope it isn’t that insufferable Miss Nose! All the women in my office drool over her. Her advice, her fashion, one even wants me to do an interview with her. Can you believe that?” The Evil Mastermind scoffs.

I can, and I am not saying.” Simon puts on the most slyest smile. “Why don’t you set up a meeting for tonight with the writing crew? We can meet at my office. I do think you should do that interview. Maybe we can get her to agree on certain questions that you are prepared to answer. We can write up your answers and you can memorize them, or we can ask her for what questions she is going to ask and prepare that way.”

When are you going to confront Tiger-Lilly and her lover?”

When we are done golfing. I have it set. I plan on getting home before her, showering, changing clothes, and confronting them. I can’t take it whole idea that everyone thinks I am an abuser when it is the one she is having an affair with. He must be a real piece of work to beat a woman.”

Can’t stand those kind myself!” Stated The Evil Mastermind maliciously.

Friday 1:30 P.M.

Tiger-Lilly was at the hotel getting dressed quickly in the bathroom. She was looking at the bruises Link left on her. Most knew him as The Shadow Killer but his name is Link and she was in love with him. She knows Simon isn’t happy about it but what can he do. The biggest issue with Link are the bruises he leaves affects her career as a supermodel. The makeup artists are getting upset with her. They have to use a ton of product to cover the damage Link leaves behind. Everyone thinks it is Simon leaving the marks. They wonder why all of a sudden he is abusing her. She never lets on that she is seeing other men. Her prenuptial agreement forbids it. It can cost her everything if Simon finds out and she keeps trying to hide the bruises from him, but she knows he is suspicious and rightly so.

Tiger-Lilly is sure he has evidence of this affair. Why else would he want to see her and he point out told her to bring Link. His exact words as she walked out of the room were, “And remember to bring that boyfriend of yours. I am tired of wearing his sins. My reputation is important to me and he is ruining it! He better be here or I will find him.” She closed the door behind her without a word. How did he know? She has been so careful.

She wondered if she should warn him that Link is The Shadow Killer and works for The Evil Mastermind. He removes obstacles for The Evil Mastermind and totally loves what he does. As she takes a long, good look in the mirror, she sighs. Tiger-Lilly secretly hopes all will go well and no one will get hurt.

We better hurry hun. We don’t want to be late for your husband’s meeting.” Link smirked at the door. Tiger-Lilly shuddered in the bathroom. She thinks to herself, after today, I will be rid of you Mr. Link.

Friday 3 P.M.

Tiger-Lilly and Link walk up the steps of Simon Chin’s mansion. Tiger-Lilly is secretly hoping Simon will forgive her if she tells Link it is over and will never cheat again.

Simon is on his way up the stairs as the two walk into the foyer.

I wasn’t expecting you two this early.”

I decided we should up the time of our meeting.” said Link and then it happened. The Shadow Killer swiftly, with speed Tiger-Lilly had never seen before, reached Simon. He grabbed Simon and they struggled a bit, then BANG!. Tiger-Lilly screamed even though she didn’t hear herself. She watched as in slow motion the blood and tissue expel from her husband and then she watched him sagged onto the stairs. What Tiger-Lilly doesn’t know is she is screaming even though she can’t hear herself do it.

Link was upon Tiger-Lilly before she knew it. He slapped her hard in the face.

Shut it! You stupid bitch!” he screamed at her. “We need to clean this mess and figure out where we can move him. Check his calendar and see if he has any appointments. Maybe we can place him somewhere where it won’t come back to you and me.”

Tiger-Lilly went on autopilot hoping The Shadow Killer wouldn’t make her his next victim. She is freaked out. The Shadow Killer looked at her. She could see his brow lowering, his cheekbones raising, his nose flared, his mouth became thin, his chin raised a bit and she knew. She knew she had better move or she would be next. Link took a deep breath in and then said, “Where does he keep his calendar?” He said it so calm and quiet that Tiger-Lilly knew she was showing the signs of fear.

In his office.” She finally mustered enough energy to force out the sentence.

Where is his office?” said Link.

This way.” She pointed with her finger to the left and turning on her heel she walked toward the office of Mr. Simon Chin.

Link sees his calendar on Simon’s desk.

He has a meeting tomorrow.” Link says to Tiger-Lilly. “Let’s get him loaded up in the trunk and get him to his office. That will take the heat off of you. They will just think he was killed there. You’re going to have to clean up that blood as well.”

Tiger-Lilly just stood there in shock and shook her head as he told her what to do.

Go! Now. Start cleaning. I will get the body out of the way while you get the supplies together.”

Tiger-Lilly did as she was told. She headed to the utility closet for the supplies. She found a rug cleaner and rug shampoo. She found Murphy’s Oil Soap for the wood, a bucket, and a towel. She put the bucket in the closet’s sink and turned on the warm water. She wasn’t aware of the tears coming from her eyes as she mixed the solution in the bucket. She took the bucket to the stairway and watched Link pick up Simon, carrying him to the garage. Blood is dripping all the way like bread crumbs leading someone to the truth. She followed and watched Link place him in the trunk. She could have sworn Simon gasped. She wondered if he is still alive. She turned around and stepped in blood. She took the towel dipped it in the bucket and cleaned up the drops all the way back to the stairs. She put the bucket at the foot of the stairs and went back to the closet for the rug cleaner. She filled it up with shampoo and warm water. She took it to the stairs and started cleaning the carpeting on the steps. She didn’t even hear Link turn on the car and leave for Simon’s office.

Friday 5 P.M. Simon Chin’s office

Link waits as everyone files out of the building. He has Simon’s keys and card key to get into his office. He has done this several times. He knows exactly how to avoid the cameras even. He is waiting for the right moment to move Simon from the trunk, up the loading elevator, and into his office. He will have to double check that elevator for cameras and maybe take it out so he won’t be on it.

Once he is sure, he walks to the service elevator and notices one camera inside. He is wearing all black and everything is covered. He pulls out a spray can of black paint and sprays the camera lens. He heads back to the car, pulls Simon out of the trunk. The damn cat is still breathing still. He throws him over his shoulder and carries him to the elevator. Up they go to Simon’s office.

He steps off the elevator and walks over to Simon’s door. He opens it with the key card. He goes in the office, past the secretary’s desk, and opens the double doors with Simon’s key. Now to find the right spot to place the body and make it look like a robbery gone wrong. Link places him in front of his desk and starts tearing up various items. He throws a few items and they break making it look like a struggle ensued.

Link leaves the same way he comes in. He made sure he left the key and card key on Simon’s desk. He made sure to leave it all unlocked so the next day when someone comes in, they will find him. What Link couldn’t know is he wouldn’t be found the next day.

Friday 8 P.M

The Evil Mastermind’s writers are on their way up to Mr. Chin’s office. When they enter they see a horrible scene.

Saturday Mid-morning

The Evil Mastermind is sitting at his desk reading the Escanaba Morning Express. He is shocked to discover that someone killed Simon. He wanted the problem with Tiger-Lilly to go away but not with the death of one of his best mates.

The so called investors were really The Evil Cockatoo’s writers for his ParrotSpace social site. They called him from the warehouse when they discovered Simon dead on the floor. The Evil Cockatoo advised them to say they were investors and call the police. It really wasn’t until after the police arrived that they got a call from Tiger-Lilly almost as if she knew and had to time it correctly.

The Evil Mastermind wondered who killed Simon. He was devastated by the whole murder scene that the writers took photos of for them all to see. He knew he was going to miss that cat. Simon was excellent on the golf course and was an amazing at business endeavors. The Evil Mastermind could always count on Simon in a pinch. Simon had an amazing mind for negotiation and trade. He could make any deal with anyone and you knew you would come out victorious.

The Evil Mastermind called in his best agent to look into the matter. His best PI dog Ryder. Ryder was known to sniff out dirt and could find any lead. He was cunning and could follow any scent. The Evil Mastermind knows Ryder will find out what happened and give him the most honest report of his findings. The Evil Mastermind needed to know who did this. Simon was the most challenging cat on the golf course and now, he was snuffed out like he didn’t even matter.

Saturday afternoon around 1 P.M.

Ryder is inside EPD looking at the various files on the Mr. Chin murder. He notes who is doing the autopsy. One of the greats, Dr. Jerry Thomas. Wonderful, thought Ryder, I know Jerry will give me what I need.

Ryder pulls out his cell, looks through his contacts, and finds Dr. Jerry Thomas’ number. He clicks send and hears ringing on the other end.

Hello, Ryder!” exclaimed Dr. Thomas. “What do I owe the pleasure of your call? Are we going bowling today?”

Not today, I am on a case.”

Really? What case?” asked Jerry.

The case of Mr. Chin. I need to know what happened to him. Could you give me the details from the autopsy? My client wants answers.”

That is understandable. Meet me for dinner at Mitten’s or would you rather Joe’s? I can bring the file and you can read it. I will answer any questions you have.”

Thanks Doc. I think Mitten’s would be a better choice right now. See you at around 7ish?”

7ish sounds great to me. See you at Mitten’s!”

Saturday At the same time

The Evil Mastermind, The Evil Cockatoo, and The Mad Scientist were having a meeting. They were discussing what was going to help The Evil Mastermind’s campaign and what wouldn’t, but The Evil Mastermind really couldn’t concentrate on the business at hand. He is really upset about the loss of his friend, his best mate, his golfing buddy.

Boss!” The Evil Cockatoo snapped his toes at The Evil Mastermind’s face. “Hello! Earth to The Evil Mastermind! Hello. Are you there?”

The Evil Mastermind shook his head a bit and said, “What were we discussing again?”

Boss, I think it is better if we just adjourn this meeting and have it at a time when you are more ready to have it. I think you need some time to deal with the death of Mr. Chin.” said The Mad Scientist with concern in his voice.

Saturday 6:30 P.M.

Mitten’s Bar and Grill took in plenty of tourist in the area. Mitten’s served what every tourist loved. Burgers and fries, fish and chips, pasties, and all for a smaller price than Big Joe’s Seeds and Pits. Big Joe’s or Joe’s as most called it, had the best barbecue ribs and made their own liquor from beer to wine and then some. When you wanted steak, you went to Joe’s. Both made pasties, but each was different. Mitten’s made them without anything fancy. They were hamburger, potatoes, and carrots. That was it. Joe’s made them fancy with minced steak and gravy inside them. Mitten’s is near the highway far from Joe’s which is near the park. Those are the differences besides the fact that Mitten’s would have a rougher crowd during certain times of the year. Mitten’s really is for the lower life in town.

Ryder got to Mitten’s before Jerry and found a good spot to sit. He was going to get some answers and be able to get on the scent of what really happened to Mr. Chin.

Good evening, Ryder.” said the bouncy blond lab who would be his waitress.

Good evening, Mindy.” Ryder said back, “What are your specials today?”

You mean besides your big brown eyes?”


Well, we have some beef stew and Swiss steak as our specials. The Swiss steak comes with a side of spaghetti, a roll, your choice of potato, a salad, and your drink. Are you alone tonight?”

Nope. Bring coffee for now. I am meeting a friend and then I think I will order the steak after seeing if he wants to eat or not.”

Ok. I will bring you your coffee and wait.”

Thank you Mindy.” said Ryder

You’re welcome handsome.” Mindy responded.

Saturday 6:55 P.M.

Dr. Jerry Thomas was finally close enough to park his car. There is a parking lot across the street from Mitten’s. It is sometimes very hard to parking in downtown Escanaba. The main street is very old and narrow. The city has tried several ways to do park from angle to parallel. Jerry finally found a spot and parked. Mitten’s didn’t have valet parking like Joe’s.

Dr. Thomas took his briefcase out of his trunk and walked across the street to Mitten’s. He had only the preliminary files since they haven’t had a chance to do a full autopsy. They did take a blood and sent it off to toxicology for a report. They sent it to another lab as well for some basic counts, and they sent some off to be tested and matched to know DNA of Mr. Chin. In this town, anyone can fake their own death so Jerry always made sure with a DNA test that he had the right man or woman.

Jerry walked into Mitten’s and started looking around for Ryder. Ryder has been his friend since they were both started school. They even went to the same University together. They stayed in touch after school as one went into the police force and the other became an assistant at the Medical Examiner’s Office. Escanaba hasn’t changed much since they were kids. Even the politics are the same and you would think that would change after a generations or two. As he was looking around, he noticed Mindy. She pointed toward a table in the back. Jerry started toward that area and noticed Ryder sitting at a table. As usual his back was to the wall and it was near a window.

Ryder saw Jerry coming towards him and stood up to greet his old friend with a hug.

How are you doing?” Ryder asked Jerry as if nothing unusual was happening except two old friends having lunch. “Mindy tells me they have a Swiss steak and beef stew for specials. Are you hungry?”

I am. We should get Mindy here and order quickly so we have time to catch up.”

Jerry knew what Ryder was doing in front of everyone and they would wait until more tables emptied before getting on to business.

Saturday 7:55 P.M.

Mitten’s is finally seeing the dinner rush clearing out. Mindy is washing tables and clearing dishes. As she leaves the area, Jerry reaches for his briefcase.

You are going to love the prelim.” he said to Ryder.

Really? Why?”

We have amazing stuff in this report.” Jerry opens his case and pulls out a red folder. Ryder knows the contents of a folder of that color. Red is for homicide by firearms. Ryder raises his eyebrows quizzically. Now that is interesting, he thinks. Jerry hands him the folder. Ryder takes it and opens it. He sees the SOAP notes that the tech started for the doctor doing the autopsy. He notices no one has been assigned the autopsy yet and then his puzzling looking eyes fall upon something that makes his hair stand on edge. Ryder sighs. He now knows who killed Mr. Chin and all he needed to see was right there on paper written in black ink.

Saturday 10 P.M.

Ryder parks his car in the Chin’s driveway and walks up to the door. He knows it is late but doesn’t care. He has a few questions for Tiger-Lilly. He will know if she is lying. He is good at sniffing out the truth. He walks up to the door and rings the bell. Ding, ding, dong, ding, dong, doooooonnnnngggg! It rings through the air. Ryder is kind of startled by the sound but pulls himself together quickly. All his time on the force gave him the startles.

A very beautiful blond with do745ey brown eyes answered the door. She is wearing the usual maid outfit for Rent A Maid.

May I help you?” she blinks at Ryder.

I am here to see Tiger-Lilly.”

May I say whom is calling.”

Whom, who says whom anymore? Ryder thinks.

Tell her, Ryder is here.”

The blond shuts the door in Ryder’s face. Ryder rolls his eyes and stands there waiting.

Ryder looks at his watch. His anger is starting to surface. He isn’t happy with this woman at all. He knows Tiger-Lilly. He has been her body guard before for photo shoots. He looks at his watch again and see how time is flying by. He is going to give her 10 more minutes before he rings that bell again. He sits down on the porch step and as he does, the door finally opens and out walks the blond.

What are you still doing here?”

Didn’t you tell Tiger-Lilly I was here?”

Um. Yeah. Sure. I did.”

Liar. Turn around right now and tell her or I will arrest you.”

The blond’s eyes widen to fullness, her mouth opens wide, and a startled look is on her face. “Ok” she says and turns around. She opens the door and disappears. Less than a minute later she reappears with Tiger-Lilly behind her.

Ryder” Tiger-Lilly says with surprise. “I am so glad to see you!” She rushes to Ryder and hugs him tightly.

I need to speak to you, Tiger-Lilly.” Ryder said lowly in her ear.

Tiger-Lilly let go of Ryder and said, “Come on in. I will make us some coffee.” She let go of his hands and turned around walking toward the door. Ryder followed her and sneered at the maid as he passed by her.

He follows her to the kitchen and watches as she makes a pot of coffee. They are both silent. Tiger-Lilly reaches up for cups on her tip toes and brings down two big mugs for coffee. She drums her finger nails on the counter as the coffee brews. When it is done, she pours coffee into both mugs, turns around, and brings them over to the island. She looks at Ryder as she passes him the mug. He takes it from her, looking at her intently. They take a drink simultaneously and then

Ryder. I didn’t kill Simon.”

Where did that come from? Ryder thought. He raises his eyebrows at Tiger-Lilly.

I know. I know.” she says to him. “I thought about calling you every day since it happened. Ryder, I am frightened.” She started shaking. “I told the maids not to let anyone in. I am sorry my maid didn’t let you in. I never thought you would be at my door and right when I need you. I have been so scared. She was just following rules I set. Please, don’t be mad at her. I am so happy you are here.”

Ryder looked at her, signed and then said, “Tell me what happened. I will make sure you are safe.”


The Evil Mastermind is sitting at his desk. He is thinking. As he is thinking, he is pinning and unpinning his eyes. He secretly hopes Ryder can find out what happened to his mate, Mr. Simon Chin. He really wanted Simon to help him refine his speeches for ParrotSpace.

He finds himself wishing he could call Simon. He really misses that cat. He misses having someone to golf with and gossip about all of Escanaba with. It is unfair his mate is gone. The only true buddy he really has, maybe. He pounds his fists on his desk.

The Evil Mastermind sits waiting. He is waiting for Ryder to tell him who killed Simon. He is plotting having The Shadow Killer work him or her over good. He wants this person dead like his friend. He wants him or her gone. He know The Shadow Killer will get his claws into this person and really torture him or her to no good end. The Shadow Killer is The Evil Mastermind’s most ruthless assassin and he was going to get information on why Simon was killed along with the pleasure of listening to Simon’s murderer scream for mercy.

Sunday Around 1 P.M.

The Shadow Killer is on his way to an assignment. He has someone to kidnap and torture, when he notices he is being followed. He pulls over and decides to get a coffee at the local Mr. DoughNUTS. This will allow him to get a better look, but this tail is better than Link knows. Link gets out of his car and walks into Mr. DoughNUTS for coffee and he sees the car pull over from the window. Now he knows, he knows that car. Damn, he thinks, I have that damn hound Ryder on my ass. The Evil Mastermind will know soon enough that I killed Simon. I need a plan.

Link walks out of Mr. DoughNUTS with a coffee, gets in his car, and heads to his assignment. As he is driving, he is trying to figure out how to take care of this situation. Ryder knows and he will tell The Evil Mastermind. Link knows he is the best but that doesn’t mean someone from overseas can’t be called in. The Evil Mastermind has friends over there with assassins better than Link.

Sunday 8 P.M.

Link heads home for the day after doing his “errand” all day. He had to supply his client with details after his “errand” was completed. He parks and watches Ryder park a bit away from his house. He puts his car in the garage and turns it off. Watches for a second, and then gets out. He uses the door from the garage to get in his house. Now to start cleaning the whole thing. Link grabs gloves from his bag and gets to work.

Sunday 11 P.M.

Link has watched Ryder follow him all day. He kept looking out the window as he cleaned the house waiting for Ryder to give up and leave. Finally, Link makes it look like he is going to bed. That is when Ryder finally leaves his tail and Link springs into action. He gets to his car and heads to seedy side of town. That side has homeless, prostitutes, drug addicts, and all the low life you can find. It is where you go when you want to hire a sloppy assassin. He is looking for just the right kind of homeless cat that can make his plan work.


Ryder is contemplating how he should tell The Evil Mastermind about The Shadow Killer. He has followed him around. He knew the moment he read the preliminary report that it had to be him. It had his tell all over the floor. Even when Ryder went to visit Tiger-Lilly, he could smell it like bad whiskey. But how does he tell The Evil Mastermind that his top cat is the one who killed his best friend? This is going to be very hard indeed.

Ryder picks up the phone and dials The Evil Mastermind’s number. Time to make that meeting and tell him the bad news. This is going to be a serious blow. Ryder is sure it may even push him over the edge. This is the last thing they will want. Nothing is good when the town’s bad guy is insane.

Monday 5 P.M.

The Evil Mastermind picks up his phone as Ryder leaves the room. He now has to take out his best assassin. This is so hard on him. First his best friend and now his best employee. What a week The Evil Mastermind has had.

Tuesday Morning

The Evil Mastermind is sitting at his desk, pinning and unpinning his eyes as he is thinking. His meeting with Ryder gave him much to think about. He is waiting for the report back The Shadow Killer has been eliminated. His secretary brings him in some walnuts which are his favorite, but even that doesn’t bring him out of his daze. She watches him and worries about his mental health. He just keeps pinning and unpinning his eyes. Like it some sort of nervous tick. She isn’t liking what she is seeing and wonders if he will be the same after all of this.

Tuesday Afternoon

Link has been hiding most of the day right where he knows the assassins won’t find him. He is sitting in the basement of Joe’s Seeds and Pits. No one would ever look for him here. He knows he has to do something to save his life and get The Evil Mastermind off his back. He has been formulating a plan. He has everything he needs right here to complete his plan. Then he will get away free and everyone will think he perished in the fire. Good thing for him there are homeless cats around. No one will ever miss this guy. Link made sure he took him to his house after he cleaned the whole thing. Had the guy touch everything in the house, brush his teeth, take a shower, comb his hair, and do all the things someone would do when they lived there. A whole two days of living at Link’s house. He knows if the police go there, they will fingerprint and take DNA. It will all come back to this cat. He gave him enough alcohol to put him in a drunken stupor for the moment. He has to wait. He will do it tonight when the majority of the people are gone. This way, he won’t be seen leaving the building and can make a clean get away.

Tuesday night:

The Evil Mastermind walks into his office after meeting his partners downstairs. He sighs as he walks in. His life seems so meaningless at the moment. And then he hears the alarm. The fire alarm is going off and the strobe lights are flashing. His window opens and a ladder falls. It is the safety feature installed in this building. It does it for all offices so you can leave in case of fire. He thinks about staying for just one moment until he sees the butterfly. He watches it fly a bit and then realizes. Someone purposely set this fire. Possibly to kill him. But who? Now he comes back. He walks to the window and climbs out. He sees several others climbing down the building as he is. He hears the sirens in the background. Someone called already.

Meanwhile on scanners all over Escanaba!

Unit 9, Unit 9 go to 912 Charlotte Avenue 912 Charlotte Avenue. We have a fire in process. Fire in process. Fire trucks 11, 15, 29, and 41 are en route. There are people still trapped. All Units respond. All Units head to 912 Charlotte Avenue. People are still trapped with a fire in process.

This concludes this episode of The Evil Joe Files. Join us again for our next exciting episode of The Evil Joe Files where Miss Nose finds a haunted house!

The Mean Neighbor


I survived being eaten by a monster during our summer vacation from school. The monster lives three doors down from Grandma. I really thought I was lunch for sure! You see, it happened like this:

Dick, Maggie, and I were all out front of Grandma’s house playing stickball when I hit the home run. The only thing is, I made the ball fly high and it ended up in old man Garrett’s window. Mr.Garrett is an evil old man who lives on our block. We are always told by adults to stay away from him. He is some sort of war hero and respect but he is mean and cranky. We played rock-paper-scissors to see who would go to the house and retrieve our ball. Maggie had rock, Dick had rock, and I picked scissors. I lost and was nervous going to the house.

Mr. Garrett lives three doors down from Grandma. You would never know how my feet had lead in them as I was heading to his house. All I kept thinking about was the stories I have been told about him. Did you know he eats children? I didn’t want to find out if that was even true. I kept looking behind me hoping Dick and Maggie would come running up and say, “we will go with you” but they never did. They stood there frozen like popsicles to first base watching me drag my feet all the way to his door.

I finally got to his big, red door. Why his door is red we don’t really know? We think it is stained with the blood of his victims. I told you he eats children, right? Grandma tells me he will eat me for breakfast every time I am bad.

I found myself in his yard. I took a deep breath and decided to run around his house a bit and see if I could find the ball. I went through the gate, looked quickly to both sides of the front lawn, ran to the right side of the house, through the backyard, zigzagging around it looking, and then to the left side of the house, The ball of course, was not in the yard. Ain’t that all a hoot!

I had no choice but to look up and I saw the attic window broken. I know Grandma will want me to take responsibility and will call Dick and Maggie’s parent to help pay for it, but I have to give him the information and retrieve our ball. I walked up the three front porch steps, saw the door bell, and pushed it.

The bell rang loudly inside and I could hear Mr. Garrett coming to the door. He was screaming, “Hold on to your damn britches. I am coming.” I did tell you he was mean, cranky, and ate children, I did, right? My heart started beating wildly in my chest. I could really feel it. My heart wanted to jump out of my chest and run away from Mr. Garrett as much I did.

Mr. Garrett opened the door. He looked puzzled at first until he looked down and saw me, his next meal! I gulped. “Well what do you want?” he screamed at me.

“Our ball hit your window and we would like it back. I can give you Grandma’s number and we will pay for the window.” I said softly barely getting it out.

“What’s that?” he said. “You need to speak up. I can’t hear mumbling.” He peered at me like a hawk eyeing the mouse on the ground.

I repeated what I said. I am not sure if it came out exactly the same. I actually had to repeat it twice before he caught on. Finally he squinted his eyes at me and shoved me from the doorway. He walked down the three steps and looked up. His face got really red and he stomped up the stairs and back into his house screaming about today’s society of children and words no one should ever hear or say. He came back to the door with my ball and said, “You will get this back when your Grandma calls me to arrange payment for my window.” I blinked and said, “ok.” I turned and walked toward the gate. Once I reached the gate, I hurriedly opened it and ran. I ran like I was being chased by a giant T-Rex. I couldn’t wait to get back to Dick and Maggie.

I had to go tell Grandma. She wasn’t very happy with the three of us nor with Mr. Garrett. She called Dick’s mom and then Maggie’s. The three of them met up and went to Mr. Garrett’s home. They came back with our ball.

And that is how I survived being eaten by the monster who lived three doors down from Grandma.

A Friday Edition of The Nothing Files

AHA! I have something new. I am going to go through and tag all my old nothing days with The Nothing Files as well and maybe make it a category.

Some updates.

I started the four week program for shaping your story. I am working on my old piece called The Stalking of Katie. I had put up parts  one and two. I have a third part but never put that on. I am reworking it and when I have it as a complete story, I will post it for you all to read.

I started using story boards for my creations recently. So far, I am not sure this helps me much. It kinda crimps my creativity some since I keep thinking I need to follow it. I have to constantly remind myself that it isn’t written in stone and I can change my mind whenever I please.

I am starting to like my new home in Rock. I miss Cornell. I loved my old house, but now that more and more of my stuff is getting put away, I am enjoying my new one. The chickens seem to like it. The road isn’t as heavily trafficked either. Which is better for our furbabies or featherbabies. I have five apple trees and the apples should be ready soon I hope. This means CANNING! Yes, applesauce, apple jelly, apple slices canned in filling for apple pie, and anything else I can find to do with five trees worth of apples.

I do think I have a predator. I have had some chickens and eggs disappear. Some of my cats are gone. I am worried about them all.

Wednesday, my mom was here. She went to lie down and all of a sudden, the crows and blue jays started freaking out. I wondered out and discovered patches and patches of raspberry plants. These aren’t big since they are wild, but tons of them. Just tons. Then I saw something running away. No idea if it is a human, deer, or bigfoot. It was the size of a human. I shouted, “Who is there!?” The creature disappeared. Weird, eh? I have been smelling what I would say is the smell of death. It isn’t all the time but like brief and at different times. I have no idea if it is a weed, a human out hunting and carrying around their kill, or what it is. I just get it and then it is gone. It concerns me especially since I am missing chickens and cats. The dogs start going off too when I smell it and Tillie will make her very short hair on her black lab body stand right up. She growls and barks. Not sure if she is sensing a deer, a coyote, or what. Could be a wolf or eagle even. I don’t know but she doesn’t want it around. Ryder, our beagle/basset hound, has been picking up scents in the yard and trying to follow them. He runs into the woods and you can hear his basset hound bark for miles. Then he comes back. I have no idea what he is chasing but it worries me.

Anyway, I have to get back to fixing the nothing posts. I am going to change the category and make it something else. Always good to periodically go through your blog and look at how to make it better!

Have a wonderful Friday and a great weekend! Til the next Nothing File!


Dear Miss Nose

Dear Miss Nose,

How do I get a life or at least know where to put my small fountain in my house where it does not leave bad luck.


Sleepless and unfortunate in Phoenix.

I decided you needed the feng shui version. There are various cultures who will tell you to put it someplace else. Always go with the flow of whom you purchased the item from.

A fountain is a wonderful item to place in your home. The flowing water is a symbol of wealth and prosperity and fountains bring the energy of water to you. There are three items you should purchase and put near your fountain. A dragon, fish, and a white Jambhala. The dragon should look like it is drinking, the white Jambhala should be right under the flow and place on New Year’s Day for best energy in the South West corner, and the fish in the South East corner! One thing you should be careful of is placing a fountain on the right side of your main/front door. By doing so you will bring bad luck to your husband. He will cheat on you and have a second family. The right side is on your right from inside your house as you look at your door!

What you need first is a bagua map. Take that map and place it at your front door or main entrance into your home. That is usually North. Not always but on this map it would be. You can find these maps all over the internet and they are great for anyone who wants to add a little spiritual help to their lives.

Fountains should always have flowing water! Don’t let water sit. It will create stale energy and we want energy to flow. Never put a fountain in your bedroom, bathroom, or kitchen. Each room has a direction and you can find the directions in your living room to place items.

Place the fountain in the East in your Home and Family area (Middle Left), in the South East for your Wealth & Money area (Rear Left), or in the North for your Career and Path in Life (Front Middle). Remember to keep it away from the South (Rear Middle). That is where fire is present and we know what water does to fire!

To get a life, develop your Helpful People, Spiritual Life, & Entertainment area (Front Right)of your home with maps, photos where you want to travel, and other social items.

But for Miss Nose’s best social advice, GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THE HOUSE AND GO SOMEWHERE! By getting out and talking to people, you will develop your social life. There are plenty of places to go for free places. Pick up a local newspaper or go online to your cities website. Checking out even free events in your local park can bring you happiness and great abundance of social activities.

Now for your idea of getting a life. You have one! Use it wisely. Create daily goals to fill your life with happiness. If you are happy staying at home and being with your family, then that is where you should be. If you are happy finding a crochet group, then find one. If you play an instrument, join a band. Life is short! Make the most use of your 86,400 seconds! Do what makes YOU happy!



If you need advice from Miss Nose, contact us.

Dear Miss Nose

Dear Miss Nose

Our neighbor, Mr. Shepard, is always leaving tufts of hair in the apartment building’s dryers, especially in the spring. How can we tell him politely to clean out the vents?


Over heated in the laundry room

Is there a maintenance person or a manager of the complex? I would start there and voice your concerns about fire safety. Maybe you could tell the manager that you will go around with a petition to have a person hired to clean the vents. You could ask the management to “hire” Mr. Shepard as the cleaning person for the laundry area. This way it will be on him to clean all the vent traps as well as wash all the washers or dryers, sweep up the room, and keep it tidy.

Managers are great at letter writing memos to all tenants reminding them of certain “rules”. By not following the “rules” a tenant can be subjected to fines or told they are no longer allowed to use the facilities. 

You can ask management to maybe make everyone come to them with a deposit to use a vent trap for the dryer. They could hold onto your license or some money like $100 and when you bring back the vent, clean of course, you get your money or item back from them. This would definitely make sure that all lint vents are clean.

You could write a reminder note and tape it to the wall. This way it is not just singling out Mr. Shepard. Go buy some really bright poster board and write in big letters placing it in spots all over the laundry area. Some can be placed on the dryers themselves. It could look something like this:


Another way, is to do your laundry while he is there, grab a bunch of clothes into your hands, and ask him to please clean out the vent for you since your hands are full.

Are you able to buy a washer and dryer to hook up in your apartment? This would be ideal and mean you would not have to be in a place that isn’t sanitary for anyone.

The simplest way is of course to just walk up to him and ask. You can say, “Mr. Shepard, will you please do me a favor? Would you please check the lint vents and clean them for me?” Maybe you can bribe him with an apple pie or ask him in a way that makes it seem like you don’t have time. You could use the old pity me because lines. Make him feel sorry for you because you have children or work long hours.

But, I, Miss Nose, would go to the management and have them place some sort of rule or hire someone to clean that area. This would be your best bet since then it would all be sanitary.

Best of luck to you and your fellow tenants.



If you need advice, contact Miss Nose.