JOE AS “THE EVIL MASTERMIND” BENT ON TAKING OVER THE WORLD!
BABY BABY AS THE EVIL MASTERMIND’S EVIL SIDEKICK “EVIL COCKATOO”!
PEPPER AS THE “MAD SCIENTIST”!
THE CHICKENS AS “THE MINIONS”!
AND MISS NOSE AS “THE DARING
NEWS CRIME REPORTER”!
Saturday’s edition of the Escanaba Morning Express featured Tillie’s article on the front page.
MR. SIMON CHIN FOUND DEAD IN BUILDING
by Tillie Treater
Mr. Simon Chin founder of the world’s best dog biscuit treat company was found dead at his biscuit warehouse on South 11th Street in Escanaba. He was discovered by several investors who were there for a meeting. “There are signs of a struggle.” said Lieutenant Clyde Barker of EPD. Lieutenant Barker refused to answer more questions concerning the case. His partner Lieutenant Bonnie Chihound gave the famous “no comment” as she always does for cases.
By talking to witnesses, I gathered this information. Mr. Chin got a mysterious call at home and hurriedly left the house. His wife Tiger-Lilly, a famous supermodel, said she called the police earlier this morning after not hearing from Simon. She told this reporter, “Simon always came home after all deals and beat me silly then he demanded wifely duties.” Obviously Mr. Chin was a violent man and Tiger-Lilly was his punching bag.
I talked to neighbors who informed me of his time with the Evil Mastermind. I was told he is part of the underground syndicate. Mr. Simon Chin was named Civilian of the Year for 2015 and 2014 by Mayor MacBuff. He was considered by many as a humanitarian willing to do anything for anyone. He was a major contributor to many charities. Many will miss Mr. Chin.
This is the morning newspaper editions front page news. Mr. Chin died at his warehouse. He was murdered by someone and he was beloved by many. I knew him as a great guy but I never knew about his time with the Evil Mastermind until the psychic called me all frantic.
I finally found out the psychics name. It is Ruby. That is all she will tell me. No last name. No middle name. I am not even sure if it is her real name but she goes by Ruby. Fine. Something to actually call her by instead of ‘hey you’.
I know how hard it is to go ‘undercover’. My editor refused to let me go like some of the other journalists do. She said I was to notorious for an undercover mission so she sent in an assistant who still doesn’t have any column of his own. She thinks it is better this way, but she really doesn’t get Miss Nose does she? I decided that I would get myself invited to some premiere parties. CHA CHING! I found several of the Evil Mastermind’s companies have art, fashion, and the type of entertainment that I can use in my articles like the ballet. I found being undercover wasn’t that hard at all. I was blending in nicely and learning quite a bit about the Evil Mastermind and his operation.
It was a gorgeous day for just lounging around. I was getting all my work caught up and writing up an article on an art exhibit thrown for charity by the Evil Mastermind. The art charity exhibit was looking like this:
The community came together on Friday February 27 for an art exhibit for the Children’s Hospital and St. Joseph’s Soup Kitchen at the beautiful Bonifas Fine Arts Center. The night was a beautiful night with a full moon illuminating the Bonifas Fine Arts Center. It was a great night for a wonderful party.
The function was hosted by Joe Macaw. The local artists featured for the charity event included Cat Fissco, Mr. Biggie Chun, King, and our local Fredya Half. The even made over 3 million dollars for the charities involve. Local talent came out in festive numbers. Ann Miclaire wore a stunning Meow dress which sparkled in the moonlight. Meow himself even made an appearance buying a Cat Fissco. The community showed great support for the soup kitchen by including a meal. All drinks and dinner plates ordered were given to St. Joseph’s Soup Kitchen. The buy in was $50 per plate with drinks costing $2 per glass. The night was a beautiful night with a full moon illuminating the Bonifas Fine Arts Center.
I was working in the pictures and adding comments about each one when Ruby called me. I had a picture in my hand when I picked up the receiver and said, “Hello.” The picture was of The Evil Mastermind giving the $3,980,000 check to the heads of the charities. Harry McLairy was behind the Evil Mastermind making rabbit ears. Next to him was someone I didn’t expect to see at all. It was none other than Felix Santago. Felix Santago is the head of a drug cartel out of Cuba. Fancy meeting him at an event like this. I was staring at the picture so intently when I heard Ruby say, “ Are you there? Are you listening to me? Hello!” I snapped back quickly. “Sorry Ruby. What do you need?” “ I was trying to tell you the vision I had of the Evil Mastermind. He was scaling a building and there was fire all around him. I have no idea what it all means, but he was trying to get away from the fire. I also got a call from someone saying they know who killed Mr. Chin.” Now my ears perked up. I started to think to myself.
After a pot of coffee, I made my way to the office. I just had to talk to Tillie. I needed to find out who was in charge of Mr. Chin’s homicide. The answer was there somewhere. Whether in the autopsy or in the police file. I took the elevator up to the 5th floor and waltzed right over to Tillie’s desk. “Tillie, do you know who is in charge of Mr. Chin’s homicide?” “And a good morning to you too, Miss Nose!” “Sorry Tillie. Good morning, Tillie. Now spill.” “It wasn’t obvious from my news article? It is the same two detectives. Lieutenants Clyde Barker and Bonnie Chihound. They still have the case and are hopping mad. They wanted it to go to the new dick on the force. The new detective is Joseph ‘Joe’ Hopper and is he good.” “Huh. I was sure they would pass it off to someone wanting to make a name for themselves.” “Me too, but they didn’t. Bonnie doesn’t play politics so they are giving the dynamic duo the jobs no one else wants or are unsolvable to teach her a lesson.”
I hurried off to my desk. I figured I could call the police station and talk to Clyde at least. No such luck there. Apparently the dynamic duo refuse to talk to anyone, no matter what. That would mean I needed to figure out a plan and fast. I needed to know what happened to Mr. Chin. I know they have to be getting an autopsy done. Something that will tell me what is going on. I am certain the Evil Mastermind had Mr. Chin taken out. I just had to prove it.
I spent my work hours looking for events where I could go undercover. I had to get the information on the Evil Mastermind and his minions. There is so much that the Evil Mastermind is involved in. I have been looking for a chance to speak with him or even interview him about something. I know there is more and I knew I should talk to the minions again. Besides, I really love their cooking. They make the best pies, cakes, muffins, and bread. I am trying to talk the hens in going legit. I want the to have their own store so bad that I thought of buying a building for them.
I saw a chance for the new hospital. They were going to hold a fundraiser event for a new cancer wing. This included anyone willing to donate hair, cancer hats, and anything else they could use. This was the kind of stuff the Evil Mastermind loves. He so enjoys having his picture taken at events. I was thinking I could get a wonderful interview out of this. The Evil Mastermind will want to be a part of my column, I am sure of it. I ran over to my editor.
“I want this assignment!” I scream with a squeal at her. “Really, Miss Nose, do you have to make that sound? It hurts my ears and why would you want a charity event for a hospital?” “To cover the evening wear of course and to get interviews for my column. I have some excellent ideas on what to ask each person.” “Really? Well Nathan wants to cover it for the medical news.” I give her my most excellent puppy dog eyes. “Let me talk to Nathan. Maybe you can both go and get some great news for the paper.” I squealed again. I really can’t contain my excitement. I wandered back to my desk and started preparing the questions I would need to ask and I was trying to figure out how to sneak in the information I would need to know what they were planning next. I had to make it all innocent.
I was getting up heading to the coffee machine when my phone rang. I usually don’t get calls so I was a bit in shock. “Miss Nose News Desk, Miss Nose speaking.” I said into the receiver. “Hello Miss Nose, I have got to say how much my wife and I love your advice column. I got the message you called. This is Lieutenant Clyde Barker, by the way. Lieutenant Chihound hates it when anyone wants to talk about a case, but I really wanted to talk to you.” “Really? Are you have relationship problems, Lieutenant Barker?” I asked coyly. “No. The Mrs. and I are good. I was calling back because the desk sargent said you had some questions about my latest case. Tillie didn’t seem to interested in our murder.” “I am. I was wondering what Mr. Chin was wearing when he died. Do you have the photos from the scene? I heard he was having problems with his wife. Any idea if they were having relationship problems?” “Really? That is all you’re looking for? What he was wearing and any dish on his relationship with his wife? Hmm. I suppose we can make some time for you to look at the photos and see what you can use. It is better than what the other reporters are looking for.” “What are the others looking for?” I asked him point blank. “The usual. What the autopsy says, what was the murder weapon, what was the manner of death. Just the usual every murder news hound wants.” I thanked Detective Lieutenant Barker for his time and hung up with a date to meet him and his partner to go through the photos for my ‘article’.
I must have been floating to the coffee pot because all the other reporters were looking at me funny. Finally, Tillie couldn’t take it anymore and said, “Who just called you and why are you so happy?” “That was Lieutenant Barker and I get to look at the crime scene photos!” I squealed at her. Tillie and several of the other reporters dropped their jaws and started to drool. “I have been trying to get them to give me details about the murder since it happened.” said Mark. “And they keep telling me NO. How do you rate, MISS NOSE!” “Because I AM MISS NOSE!” I shot back to Mark. Then I floated back to my desk so I could grab my work and head home for the day to work on questions for all the event and the cops I am going to see.
I had to be up early. Bonnie and Clyde wanted me at the station for 7 a.m. I was going to see the pictures every reporter was dying to see. I was going to finally get a look and maybe find out more about the Evil Mastermind and his operations. I knew the Evil Mastermind was up to something big and that Mr. Chin must have gotten in his way. The morning was beautiful and I was enjoying the blue and purple sky turning into a red and orange sky. It was so wonderful to watch the sun rise. I drove down to the park to watch the sun rise over Lake Michigan in all its glory. I was so lost in the moment, drinking my coffee, and meditating that I almost forgot I had to get to the police station. I headed back downtown. I got to the station at the same time as Bonnie and Clyde. Clyde held the door open for me. “So glad you could make it.” he smiled toothly. “I sure am excited to me you.” “Thank you for inviting me.” I smiled back at him and winked. “I have some great ideas for my article. Is there anything you or your partner would like to me to cover in addition to what I want.” “I don’t think so.” Bonnie said it quizzly like she wasn’t really sure. “Well, let me know. I am envied right now by the others and they have a ton of questions, but I just want to know what Mr. Chin was wearing when he died.” “That is very interesting Miss Nose.” said Bonnie, “What good is that? Why would you want to know?” “Because he was a pillar of the community, wealthy, and I write a fashion column. It is important for my readers to know if he went out in a Chamar Catili or some thing off the thrift rack.” “Wow.” said Bonnie. “That is weird. You have very freaky readers. That is interesting though. I never had a reporter ask me what they were wearing before. You are the first.”
I was happy I was getting Bonnie curious enough and I was disguising my true reason for looking at those photos. I was hoping to get in a private room and take pictures of them for Ruby. “I just know there is something in them that will tell us exactly what happened. “ Ruby told me on the phone the night before. “I thought you were psychic and could tell what is there without the pictures?” I said to her. “I sometimes need something to hold or look at just to get a vision. It isn’t like a tv where you can turn it on and off you know.”
What luck I had when Bonnie took me to the room. She was really nice to me and brought in the photos. My only problem, she sat there with me. So I started to look at the photos. Mr. Chin was in an off beat type of outfit. I looked at Bonnie all weird and said, “Was he going golfing?” “What?” she looked at me quizzically. “What do you mean?” “Look at his outfit. Who wears big boxed plaid pants? One box white, one red, one black. Then a striped shirt. No one would be seen dead like this!” Then I threw my paw over my mouth since I remembered he was dead and dressed like that. Bonnie blinked at me. “Come with me.” she said to me.
Bonnie led me to the basement and signed us into an area. We walked through the door and past the guard, through another door, and into a room that had tons of metal shelves. “Where are we?” I asked her. “This is our evidence room.” I followed her to an area and she climbed up to the third from the top shelf. She pulled down a box and I grabbed it from her. She came down, took the box from me, and started walking down the aisle. I walked behind her. She stopped and turned right. When I turned with her, I saw a table. She placed the box on the table and opened it. Inside was the clothing and other items of Mr. Chin. “Something disturbed me about that crime scene.” she told me. “I suppose so since he was dressed like he was golfing.” I said to her looking at my nails so I wouldn’t look too interested in the box. Bonnie just looked at me funny and raised her eyebrows. “I told Clyde that I thought he was killed elsewhere and placed there.” “Why didn’t they just burn the building then?” I asked her. “I don’t know. I don’t think I would if I wanted to get out of there fast.” “Who said it was fast? I would just take my time and burn the place.” I said to her in my most disinterested way. Bonnie looked really intrigued with me. “Why do you call this outfit, golfing?” she said to me while looking at me seriously. “Haven’t you ever been golfing?” I looked at her puzzled. I was hoping she knew but was joking with me. “I have been to all those golfing events and let me tell you the fashion there, well, it isn’t there. Let’s just say, it takes some getting used to. I suppose since it is a Scottish game that the plaid pants are men’s idea of a kilt. Who knows why they think it is better to be gaudy than look good.?” Bonnie looked at me like I was the freak. I thought any woman who didn’t understand fashion was the freak and a weirdo. Bonnie shook her head and blinked a couple of times. “Wait! Let me get this straight.” She paused for just a moment as if collecting her thoughts and double thinking if she really wanted to ask what she asked me anyway. “He wouldn’t wear this to the office, would he? Only to the golf course. Not out in public. Not on a late night call, but only if he was at the golf course playing golf. Right? Only while playing golf and not for anything else?” She kept looking at me like I held all the answers so I said to her, “Yes. Only to a golfing event of some sort at the golf course. He wouldn’t wear them anywhere else but golfing.” She blinked at me again and again. Her mouth fell open. Then Bonnie stated, “I need to take these clothes to the lab and have them run them for any type of dirt or grass or something from a golf club. I think he was moved and I need to find the trace evidence proving it.” She took out the clothes and put the lid back on the box. “Come on Miss Nose. I will buy you whatever coffee you want. I owe you.” Then Bonnie turned on her PayPound high heel to face me and said, “Plus, any thing. ANY THING. YOU. Want to know about this case. I will give you personally. I will give you any exclusive you want for your column.” I know my eyes went wide, my turn to have my mouth fly open. “Thank you Bonnie.” I stammered. I couldn’t believe it. I was going to get the best and possibly a headline article because I knew fashion enough to help with her case.
I called Ruby to give her the update on what transpired at the police station. I was listening to the scanner as Ruby and I were looking for more possible events to get near the Evil Mastermind. I told Ruby that my editor finally gave me the go ahead for Saturday. That is the day they are having a charity event for the cancer ward of the new hospital being built. I could hardly believe it when we heard it on the scanner. I actually dropped the phone.
Unit 9, Unit 9 go to 912 Charlotte Avenue 912 Charlotte Avenue. We have a fire in process. Fire in process. Fire trucks 11, 15, 29, and 41 are en route. There are people still trapped. All Units respond. All Units head to 912 Charlotte Avenue. People are still trapped with a fire in process.
912 Charlotte Avenue is Big Joe’s Seeds and Pits. That is the Evil Mastermind’s building. The restaurant is on the bottom floor. He and the others live at the top. I was shocked. Ruby’s prediction was coming true.
Join us again on The Evil Joe Files where we will learn the fate of the Evil Mastermind and his minions.