Miss Nose World News

On March 25, 2016, the world exploded with the news that Boston Police arrested the Easter Bunny. He/She apparently needed a permit to give out eggs. She only had 3 eggs to bail herself out of jail. At the time she was fingerprinted, she claimed she didn’t steal any carrots. Someone came and posted bail. Her bail was 24 carrots. You can read more at Police ‘arrest’ Easter Bunny for lack of permit.

Here are the Tweets from Twitter that inspired the article. They are from Captain John Greland!

 

And that is the story the world is waking up to.

Loves

Em

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Miss Nose News

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I am asking everyone to choose. What topic would you really see me covering? What is your favorite topic for Miss Nose News? What about an advice column? Would you submit your questions to Miss Nose for advice? I am looking forward to your answers!

Loves

Em!

Jeffrey’s Animals

Ever had a dream that stuck with you for a while? I have one from today. I woke up at 7:30 this morning fresh from the dream and now after doing a bunch of chores plus a shower, it is starting to fade some so I want to get as much as I can down for you all.

I am in a very dark area. I see people arguing. They are arguing about what is going to happen to the zoo and its animals. There is an old witch in the room as well. Long gray and black hair wearing the weirdest outfit. It looks like gray gunny sacks. The people are arguing with a piece of paper in their hand. The paper is about a closure of the zoo. They don’t want anything to happen to the animals. The old witch steps up and tells them she has a solution. She can make them all into miniature toys. The people look at each other and then at her. They agree for some oddball reason to this witch’s idea.

The next thing I see is green and yellow lights running around the room and the witch chanting. Then I see all the animals in their cages turn into toys. She tells them they can package them in a 14 animal box and call them Jeffrey’s Animals. She also gives them the chant to turn them back into real animals as well but they stay as toys but alive when she shows them how to say the chant.

I woke up with the Jeffrey’s Animals stuck in my head the 14 boxed up animals. I can’t give you more details since, I can’t remember it all. But I do still see the 14 animals boxed up as toys called Jeffery’s Animals. It was all really weird but if I can get the details down, I bet it would make an excellent story.

Shoe Tree Legend Tree in the UP

I went exploring today. I took a drive down my road. The Escanaba River isn’t that far from me and I wanted to see if there was a good spot for fishing and taking pictures. What I discovered instead was the UP version of Michigan’s shoe tree legend. Past abandoned and caving in camps, some even being used, and down a very narrow dirt road with potholes, I found three trees with shoes and boots in them.

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Three trees have shoes in them along this seasonal road at the end of Maple Ridge Road in Rock MI

Rock is filled with haunting stories mainly of our Finnish ancestors and the old Finn Hall where they gathered to meet located on Finn Hall Road. Rock was founded by the Finnish community. People say Finn Hall is haunted and you can hear the people laughing and dancing to this day. I have never seen nor heard this coming from Finn Hall but some have and they are sticking to their story.

The Finnish people came here from a very communistic Finland! They worked hard and would gather together sharing everything they had. To this day, we the second and third generation of Finns willing give to others. We still even leave our doors unlocked and so long as you ask, we will gladly let you borrow or give you what you need.

Back to the shoe tree! I was curious to find that river and a good fishing spot so down the road I went. The road narrows and this time of year it is all rutted up with mud and snow. As you go down my road, you see which houses are being used and which ones people have long forgotten about. As you go further and futher the camps and houses get fewer and fewer. Once you reach the sign where it says seasonal road sign, you will see the trees with shoes and boots thrown high in them.

I took close ups of the shoes and boots.

The interesting part of all this is instead of my car not working when I got near them, my camera conveniently decided the batteries were dead and kept shutting off. I then turned to my trusty fire phone and ended up with issues with that while trying to take photos. It turned off the camera, turned on a different app, and did all kinds of weird things mainly as I was trying to take a picture. It took me a bit to get just the few I got.

When I got home and tried getting the pictures to upload on my computer and to wordpress, I ended up with slow internet speed, my internet stopped, and it took me about 30 minutes just to upload 13 photos. Weird, eh! My daughter kept telling me that the ghosts didn’t want their picture taken.

Enjoy the photos. I am sure this is nothing more than drunk hunters and fishermen having a great time and possibly wondering where they left their boots and shoes. If you are one of the people who own these shoes and wondered where you misplaced them, they are in the tree at the end of Maple Ridge in Rock!

Mystery Peeps Flavor #3

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After trying the last two, I needed to try the third.What ever could this flavor be? The package is red and purple. I was hoping for a fruity flavor like strawberry or raspberry. When you open it, you get a slight smell. As you put your nose closer you know what it is and I couldn’t wait to put one in my mouth.

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As you can see they are white peeps again. The eyes are in the back. The beak is longer than the other two. They are smooth looking with a slight dimple in the beak.

CHERRY! THE BEST PEEP FLAVOR YET!

Anyone wanting to try this flavor really, really should. The flavor is cherry. It smells like cherry 7up. Like a jar of maraschino cherries.  When you put one in your both and let it melt, it is so amazing. You can really suck out that cherry flavor.

Those were the three bags of peeps I got for mystery flavors this year. What is your favorite?

Mystery Peeps Flavor #2

 

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This package is deceiving. It is orange on top and green on the bottom but wait, doesn’t it remind you of something you see every summer growing in fields? If not, you will know immediately when you open the package. The smell hits you and that smell is very familiar! It is the smell of movie theaters everywhere!

IT IS POPCORN!

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That is right! POPCORN!  When you open the package you find 10 white peeps that look all crinkly. They look shriveled. Their eyes look like they are melting. But the taste and smell tell you right away that they are popcorn flavored. This flavor is no mystery and everyone who loves popcorn will love this peep. So if you are a popcorn fan, run out and grab a bag of mystery number 2.

Mystery Peeps Flavor #1

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An interesting flavor worth the try!

Flavor number one of the mystery peeps is hard to determine. It smells like lime or coconut and tastes like it might be lime or coconut. It may be both or it may be just coconut.

When you first open them, you find white peeps with an interesting smell. The five of them are smushed together and are shaped like most peeps. The eyes in the middle a short beak. There is a slight dimple in their beak area.

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The package wants you to ask if it is fruity or sour. I am thinking this package is part of the sour peeps line. The package is green on top and blue at the bottom. I checked both boxes and ate a peep from each to see if the flavor was different. It was not.

If you love peeps, this one is a very interesting flavor and worthy of controversy. I am sure it will taste different to everyone out there. Let me know what flavor you think this is!

A New Home

We had to move! After living in Cornell for almost 2 years, my heart sank when I found on the door a notice that I have 24 hours to move. The people we had a land contract with pulled out of the contract and forced us out. Even with us in the middle of a mortgage process. We were expecting the inspector on Tuesday, March 8. They gave us the boot on Monday, March 7. They have done this before to at least 3 other people. Right as you have the mortgage, they force you out of the home. They really don’t want to sell the place. I think they just want renters but know it won’t pass and no one would put in money to fix a place they weren’t going to own.

Sad but true, I am now in Rock at a relatives second home. She hasn’t lived here in 2 years so she allowed us to move in. The best part about Rock, they don’t have internet here. We had to search for a satellite provider and we found PastyNet! Even our internet here in the UP loves pasties. We are in a spot where nothing wants to be except the wild animals. But since technology is wonderful today, we can get anything via satellite providers. We do have electricity and a well with a septic so INDOOR PLUMBING! So exciting not having to use an outhouse!

Once we are settled, I can begin to write again. I am trying to now but we are still putting away stuff and cleaning up the house. So much to do but at least we have a home. Miss Nose has been upset and joyful at the same time. You should see the amount of mice she has caught.

I should be grateful but I don’t feel it. I really thought they were willing to let the house go. I didn’t want to move in there but once I was there, all I wanted to do was stay. I hate to move. I hate change. But as I look outside the windows here, on this quiet deserted road, I see so many stories floating in the air. I am hoping to never move again.

The Evil Joe Files

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JOE AS “THE EVIL MASTERMIND” BENT ON TAKING OVER THE WORLD!

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BABY BABY AS THE EVIL MASTERMIND’S EVIL SIDEKICK “EVIL COCKATOO”!

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PEPPER AS THE “MAD SCIENTIST”!

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THE CHICKENS AS “THE MINIONS”!

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AND MISS NOSE AS “THE DARING NEWS CRIME REPORTER”!

It was 5 o’clock and time for me to head home when my editor came up to me. “Heard on the scanner. They are after The Evil Mastermind again. Apparently, he just knocked over a Brink’s truck walking away with over 10 million in cold hard cash.” ‘Wonderful’, I thought and rolled my eyes at her. “Hey, don’t get flippy with me kid. I am just letting you know so you can become a famous news person.”

Since our crime reporter left to have puppies, they have saddled me with her job! Not what I want to be talking about at all. Crime is boring. This is no way for any professional cat to make a living. I enjoy fashion and events where I can write about how hideous all the people looked when they came to the event. This is something entirely different. This is walking around in blood, capturing interviews with police, and the most boring of all just reporting that some stupid criminal did something. I have no idea why we give them airtime. I think if we reduce their airtime then they won’t be out there committing crimes.

I have no choice but to leave my advice column I am trying to get off the ground in this magazine and run down to the basement where the geeks live. All the way down there just to get an address and possible names of cops I need to bribe with doughnuts and coffee.

I take the information from the nerds in the hole, get what I need from my desk, and then off I go in my car. All this to get information on some crazy parrot and his criminal conspirators. This gang of birds might as well be the mafia. They are the crime in this city. I bet if they were gone, we would be crime free.

Finally, I arrived at the police station. I had to stop and talk to Donna at the Doughnut King. She knows exactly what coffee and doughnuts these particular officers love. I have to spend my awesome money just to get interviews from these dogs. As usual, I walk in with a box and drink carrier right up to the desk sargent.

“Well hellloooo Miss Nose!” I hate his sing songy voice. “How is the news treating you today?”

“Horribly, since I am here today for Tillie and not writing my advice and fashion columns.”

“It can’t be that bad. Why not write an article on our great fashion. We have these beautiful dark blue uniforms made of polyester. They make us sweat wonderfully. They aren’t easy to move in either.”

“Definitely not as great as scrubs. I was at the hospital two nights ago on that stabbing. The desk nurse told me the same thing as you. Are you two married or something?”

“I don’t think so? What was her name? Maybe.”

“You should know if your wife is a nurse.” I said to him and put on my biggest, toothiest smile.  “I need to talk to these officers.” I handed him the list from the geek squad.

“Ah. Hold on. I will get you an escort. I have to call up first and see if they are available. I will let them know you have their ‘request’ and it is getting cold. That will help to get you some free time.”

“Thanks much Sargent Hands.” I wagged my tail a bit for that old dog. He is good to me. Tillie tells me he is hard to please and she has to really beg for him to help her get the interviews. I don’t have this problem with any of the dog patrol.

I got up to the third floor in time for the doggies to rope me in. They surrounded me for their treats. Their tails wagging for the coffee and doughnuts they love so much.

“I need to know everything you know about The Evil Mastermind’s lastest caper.”

“Well now, we can’t give you everything since we have to hold back something so we can identify the stoolie.”

“The ‘stoolie’? Don’t you mean the suspect? I think you have been reading too many of those old gangster mags. Hold back whatever you like. Just tell me what they were wearing and the other crap that crime readers like.”

Big Dog Sargent or Lieutenant Homer gave me a detailed description of the crazy birds and some details to keep the crime nutters happy.  My article that day read like this:

Monday

The day was bright with sunshine and the flowers were giving off an aromatic scent when these birds flew the coop for the crime of the century.  I nearly choked on my coffee as the dogs down at 1PD told me all about it.

A heist was committed by poorly dressed criminals of the underworld. These unfashionable bunch of numpties think they are masterminds of the criminal underground and align themselves with The Evil Mastermind should really consider taking a class in fashion. They wore all black and polyester to conceal themselves. What a fashion faux pas. They decided that 8 am was a great time of day to rip off an armoured truck. They took a small pipe bomb and used it to blow the door.

The suspects got away with over 10 million dollars and various bonds. With what they are wearing, this crime reporter believes they should be cited for bad taste in fashion. Their shoes were bad pop up shop knock offs. They definitely didn’t want anyone knowing what they truly love to wear.

This crime reporter can tell you that ready to wear is not what you should be wearing. It is as bad as some people thinking pajamas are an ok idea. That may work in India but we are not all out looking for enlightenment. You would be better off looking for Carmena Bengal’s new line.  It is intuitive and all the rage for the industrial chic.

They did manage to injure one of the guards. The other was cowering in a corner with blood on his, need I say it, polyester/wool blend uniform. It isn’t the best looking uniform I have ever seen. It could use some modern sprucing maybe with a warm color or an illumination on something better.

They took a young teller wearing yoga pants, a man’s formal shirt, and tennis shoes hostage. Why? I can’t figure. That is the worse idea of fashion I have ever heard. I would have taken the woman wearing Merle Ragdoll’s lastest fox cloak. She also had a handbag made by Wong Siam. But NOOOO they go for the “ready to wear” woman. Do you see me rolling my eyes?

I know Tillie would have a much better crime article for you once she has the puppies. Until Tillie comes back, have a week filled with silk.

I know not really what the crime buggies want but what do you expect when you give that column to the fashion/advice person. Here is some advice, don’t!

I worked hard, all day on that article, well actually only like 2 hours from interview to finished, and then went onto my real column. I had to finish my advice to “loved like a dog”.

Meanwhile, The Evil Mastermind, his evil sidekick Evil Cockatoo, and The Mad Scientist were together eating a meal at Big Joe’s Seed and Pits. They were eating salad, cracking walnuts, and drinking coffee. Plus working on taking over the world.

“I don’t like that idea.” said The Evil Mastermind while taking a drink of his coffee. “You can come up with better. As my sidekick I would suggest you do.”

“I thought it was a great idea.” said the Evil Cockatoo. “I think taking over a social site and convincing everyone to stay on it day and night would be wonderful for us.”

“And how does that help us take over the world?” asked The Evil Mastermind pinpointing his pupils at the Evil Cockatoo. “People are too busy to stay on a social network all day. How would they make money? How would they see their friends? This is not acceptable.”

” I agree. How about a vaccine that poisons their system and they have to pay for it? We can make them believe they have to have it to stay healthy. We can get rich off of our poison.”

“You are as nuts as Evil Cockatoo. Who in their right mind would buy poison thinking it would keep them healthy? I am thinking about running for President and then enacting a bill making me supreme ruler of the world.”

“Oh that is a good one boss.” Evil Cockatoo and Mad Scientist said simultaneously. “Now put your heads together, do the research, and tell me how to make this happen.”

 

This concludes our first episode. Stay tune for more Evil Joe Files. Next time, the minions will take over a corn shop.