Mr. Nose Knows

A reader recently asked Mr. Nose a question.

“Will I pass college and get a job?”

Mr. Nose consulted the cards and drew out the Queen of Wands, The Star, and the Knight of Pentacles.

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“Hmmm” he said.

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Then with a glim in his eye, he responded with, “Yes you will pass college. You need to make sure you put your nose to the grindstone and work really hard to keep up your grades. Hard work is important. It looks like a light haired woman with a black cat will help you on your way. Bast is most pleased with your working. She will always send a helper when needed. Look for your help.”

Then he looked at the cards again, looked up, took a whiff of cat nip and responded to the second half of that question, “The perfect position is right around the corner. This position is just what you need to get your nose wet. You will get a message about this great opportunity coming your way. Bast sees all and will send you great tidings. Just remember when you are in the interview room to make sure they know you are very dependable. Show them your hard work and dedication. Just have perseverance when you are job hunting and exercise moderation financially until your big day comes. Money is right around the corner and opportunity keeps knocking. You will love your new employment endeavor.”

Mr. Nose then walked away. He ran through the yard looking for mice.

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Morning Coffee Break from the Hen House!

Morning is almost over. I have been up since 5 am. Being a farmer means you get up early and start your day cleaning and feeding animals. That is what I did from 6 am to 8 am. I finally got a break from animals and started to clean my house. Then I sat down and ended up at the commons catching up on Day 10 of Blogging 201. Plus all the interruptions of phone calls from 9 this morning. Man, how time flies.

I was cleaning out my deep freezer this morning and guess what I found. A whole tub of whip cream. WHOOT! So excited!

Anywho, here is your daily cup of Joe. I found my troll cup. I really love trolls you know the little dolls. My love started as a child in 1973. I was afraid of the boogeyman. My dad went and found the ugliest thing he could find to ease my fears. He told me the boogeyman couldn’t get me anymore because I had him now. He put him in a trap and when I woke up, he had me check the trap for the monster. My first troll had a green body and pink hair. He was made of green fabric and had a plastic troll head. I wish I still had him. I bet he is worth a ton of cash right now.

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I got some amazing shots of the moon last night as well. I will put those in the roundup episode.

As I say, coffee is better with whip cream and sprinkles.

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Have an amazing day until the nothing episode. Later Gator!

The Valentine’s Day Myth.

The woman staring back at me was not who I expected to see.  I was out on a dinner date when I got called back to the shop. There was a dame there needing someone to take a report. I had to leave my date and rush back to an office that could have easily taken care of business itself without me. Such luck I had, but then I guess that is why I am the leader of our major crimes unit.  My date was not very pleased at all.

“You are always called away on a call.” She said.

“You never spend any time with me.” She yelled.

“It is Valentine’s Day and you can’t even sit through an entire meal.” She screamed to the whole place with those crocodile tears coming down.

Sure make me look like a bad guy and make me feel like a heel. What can I say about dames? They never get the job. They expect roses and you home but forget that money comes from hard work.

The story she was telling me sound like an idiot put it out in some sci-fi magazine. Who would believe this? What was this all about anyway?

“Look.” She says. “I am telling you the truth. It really happened this way.”

“Sure. I believe you.” I said to her.

She looked at me with her wide eyes and then shook her head.

“You don’t believe me. The creature is there. It does exist!”

“Ma’am,” I said still wondering how true this is, “you are talking about a mythical creature that may or may not have really existed. How did you know to look there?”

“I didn’t. I was just looking at my old school and there it was!”

Well who could believe someone with this tale on Valentine’s Day when they could be out having a great meal with a wonderful dame?

Her tale was fanciful. “Now come on” you have to think to yourself without saying it out loud.

The dame left. I walked over to Johnson.

“Come on Johnson. We have to investigate.” I told him and rolled my eyes at the same time.


We walked out and grabbed the nearest squad car. We headed South on Pennsylvania Boulevard.  First witness given to us by the dame was Drake of Drake’s Taxi Cab Service. The dame was in his cab when they both discovered it. Drake has been nothing but trouble since the day he came into this world. He is considered my oldest enemy on this planet.  We have been in many scuffles since we were kids.  He spent more time in the principal’s office than anyone I ever knew. He was thrown in the cage when we were teens for knifing one of our classmates.  He spent fifteen years in the cage. When he got out he opened a taxi service.

Johnson and I pulled up to Drake’s. It looks like a shack since he never repairs the place. Made out of wood with a metal roof, it looks like something our ancestors would have huddled in during a major storm. I cocked my head a bit to get a better look at all the cars parked inside.

Then I saw Drake.  He looked more ragged than when we were young. He has one eye now that looks permanently shut with a huge scar running right down the middle of it.

“What the feather are you doing here?” he screamed as he came flying down the path from the office.

“I am the Detective in charge.” I sourly told him. “Some dame came to the office tonight with some fanciful story. None of which I believe. She even gave me your name. She says you witnessed it as well.”

Drake’s eye got very wide.

“I did.” He said softly. “But don’t say a word. Other will think I have gone kookoo.  I don’t need anyone thinking I need therapy or anything like that. I would much rather not report this. I don’t know why she feels like she has to but I think it is something better left unsaid.”

He looked ashamed of what he saw. He looked frightened as if he didn’t really see it or he was on drugs when he saw it. I didn’t know which.  I didn’t even know if I should believe him.

Johnson looked at him with scrutiny. He was cocking his head left and right like no one’s business.

“Where did you see it?” Johnson asked Drake quizzically.

“By our old high school near the bleachers, you know in the football field!”

“Why were you there?”

“The dame wanted me to take her by there. She said she used to live in this city and went to school at that very high school.  She wanted to take a walk down memory lane.”

Drake looked disgusted at this statement he made. I could fully understand since I know his past. I know why that place haunts him. He was shaking his head all over the place. We could see it in his face. He didn’t like this image at all and since the image is in a place where he already has horrible memories, well, you can imagine what he is feeling.


Johnson and I took off to the high school.  We needed to know if what these two saw was true.  Drake’s office is only five miles from the high school. It took us less than five minutes to get there.  Since the high school sits on what is the equivalent of two city blocks, we decided to take the spot light out for a test run and check out the whole area. Behind the high school is the football field with the bleachers Drake said he saw the creature at.

Johnson and I parked the squad in section F of the high school. This lot is between the high school and the field. We took out our flashlights and headed to the field to search the bleachers.  Johnson and I have two people telling us they have seen this creature.

“You know, “Johnson started pondering, “They could be making this up and in cahoots with one another to send us on wild goose chase.”

“It has crossed my mind. Let’s keep looking.”

After thirty minutes of looking everywhere, we looked under the Southern bleachers. That is when we found it and radioed in for back up to take the mobile cage with them. The creature looked frightened and surprised.

We couldn’t believe it. As far as we knew, they were a myth. A creature of fairy tales used to scare children. No one had ever seen one or knew it really existed until now. Johnson and I were stunned. There standing before us was a human. Something we had only heard of in fairy tales.  As it stood there shaking the creature said with aghast.

“I- I- I- I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! GIANT CHICKENS!”

Johnson and I just stood there waiting for back up, examining the human and taking photos of it with our phones. Once backup arrived we loaded the human into the mobile cage.

“No one is ever going to believe this one.” Carlson threw out there.

“I have forensic photos of it for the report.” Johnson told Carlson.

The Chicken Patrol came from Washington to gather the human for study.  They are interrogating the creature to see if others exist. They took copies of our reports and told us not to discuss this with anyone. It looks like a major cover up on Washington’s part. We still have proof with my report. Which I will conclude this way:

I guess humans exist after all.

Lt. Harold Crow

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